EFT: Eliminating the Blocks to Love
Love is a powerful emotion. When we feel loved it can transform our lives. When we don’t, it can be devastating. So many people struggle through their lives trying to find love but without them even realizing they may be pushing it away. In this podcast interview my guest was Maureen Fearon. Maureen is also known as the Love Guru. In this interview she discusses her work using EFT and Mindfulness Based Inner RePatterning helping people eliminate their blocks to love and building successful loving relationships.
Below is the transcript of the interview. Hope you enjoy it,
Eliminating the Blocks to Love: Podcast
Tania: My guest today is Maureen Fearon. Maureen is a business and relationship coach. She regularly appears on both the TV and radio where she is known as the Love Guru. So welcome Maureen.
Maureen: Hello Tania.
Tania: We have a really interesting topic that we are going to cover today. Eliminating the Blocks to Love.
Tania: So, I know you’re called The Love Guru, and you do a lot of TV shows, and radio shows where you work in that area. What got you interested in working with that kind of issues?
Maureen: Well, I was happily married for many, many years and then not knowing at the time but because of communication difficulties, my marriage quickly fell apart and ended. And then after some time, I decided I wanted a boyfriend. It was quite sometime after and I thought, What do you do? Where do you get them? How do you go about it? So, it was from my own journey of being single and searching for partners. I went on a lot of dates starting off with not thinking that I was fussy and then realizing that quite right, we’re all fussy! But I went on a lot of dates. I was going through a lot of the dates, and a lot of the guys showed that they lacked in confidence and self-esteem. They’ve been hurt by past relationships, and they had a lot of emotional baggage and scarring.
That was dampening their chances of finding a really good quality catch. As well, the whole energy was wrong for dating because a good catch is never going to want somebody that’s needy and desperate. So, I decided. I gave up a very nicely paid corporate job to work with single people and to teach single people what they need to learn. It could be building their confidence. Identifying and repairing the baggage and also making sure that they find themselves attractive, that they feel that they’re a good catch because an awful lot have got; limiting beliefs, low self-esteem and some of them are fantastic catches. So that was the plan, to help single people know what they need to know, do what they need to do so that they can go on the path to finding true quality love and relationships.
And that’s how it all started. And then there was one time I used to go in on a Tuesday evening to BBC Radio in Manchester on the Phil Wood show and talk about relationship issues. And he gave me, many, many years ago, the name of Love Guru and so that’s where the term love guru term came from. I’ve learned so much, I’ve helped so many people come to love themselves and then find quality relationships. It is wonderful.
Tania: Wow! Maybe you could share with us some of the stories of people that you’ve worked with, you know, the work that you’ve done that maybe has transformed their lives. And they have found that loving relationship maybe you could share some of that with us, Maureen?
Maureen: Yeah! Well, my favorite is a lady who, I was in the right place at the right time, after her husband died and she was broken hearted, really suffering in the raw stages of grief and loss. And she was a business contact; I went to see her knowing that things had gone very quiet and she was putting a brave face on it. And then all of a sudden she broke down into those unstoppable tears. And with her permission, because this was just a business coffee if you like, she allowed me to use EFT and (Mindfulness Based) Inner RePatterning. And very quickly we had the most beautiful session of (Mindfulness Based) Inner RePatterning, it was beautiful and wonderful, and she felt so much better, and she felt strong enough to go back to work, which is a story in itself. So, then as the cheeky chappie that I am, I realized that her husband, she loved him dearly, but she was feeling massively lonely.
Maureen: And I was, “are you not feeling lonely?” And she was, “well yes I am a bit well I’m yes a lot, really.” (I said) “We’ll need to get you out copping.” “Copping!” “So we’ll have to get you out copping, get you a boyfriend.” She was like “that can’t be for me” because at the time she was 60. So, she had the belief I’m 60, so that doesn’t happen. You know that isn’t going to happen to me. So, I gently nagged her and then she came with the, “oh my gosh, you’re going to be so proud of me Maureen.” And I said why what happened? She said, “I’ve been on a date.” Wow! And it’s like, “wow I can’t believe how I feel. I feel like a teenager all over again the excitement, and I just can’t believe that!”
And luckily he didn’t last long because he was rubbish but it was a great stepping stone. But really interesting, what makes me laugh every time and by the way, it’s my favorite story. He had a tattoo across his chest, a tattoo of his first wife’s name, who had passed away. Guess what she was called Tania? Maureen, she was called Maureen, so there she is been gently coach or nagged by me to get out there and find happiness. And there I am haunting her from his collarbone, Maureen!
Tania: With the tattoo.
Maureen: Yes! So, then this gentleman business contact that he’d known for years sent her a Valentine’s card and she never even thought of him in that way whatsoever. And then all of a sudden he said, “It was from Me!” and she went “Oh!” That was on Valentine’s Day. That was February, in that same year in August they were married, and they are still as happy today. She’s 66 now, and they are happy today. They are spring chickens in love. They have got the most beautiful relationship. So, one; it can happen after a loss, and it can happen over 60.
Tania: Oh yeah! You brought a very interesting point up there; she had that limiting belief about age. You know, which of course would stop you going out there and actually even looking for love.
Maureen: Yes and also she had, you know, a lot of protective and caring friends, who didn’t want to see her hurt. Plus, also they were uncomfortable with the idea of “our age going out and dating,” because “it’s just not the done thing.” So, she also had to deal with that. Her husband that passed away would have been so happy because he wanted her to live a happy life. But friends and people around her were like “I’m not so sure” because people have got their own limiting beliefs in terms of how long a person should be single after the death of a loved one.
Tania: Absolutely! And they wouldn’t even know that that’s what they are putting out to her because it seems like the rules of society. But they are man and woman made rules. They are not nature’s rules.
Maureen: No! Because if you think about it, love birds are a pair. And if one disappears they still want to be, they are designed to be a pair. And so they are, in fact, they’re going to Hawaii tomorrow. They are having the most wonderful time. Fabulous to see.
Tania: Yeah. Obviously, her life totally changed in the most beautiful way there. So maybe she’d have never foreseen that. That being said, that is a very beautiful story. What are the common blocks that you find that people have, that stop them having that loving relationship? That blocks them from love?
Maureen: There are many. I was working with a lady earlier, who has done a lot of work on herself because she had some hurt from life and she has sort of set the plan of life. And she’s met this perfect guy and that everything, they just seems so perfect a prince and a princess. They just feel so perfect together. But she has some haunts from the past of her, “not being good enough” and that “good things will get taken away” from her. So while it was wonderful she had a fear that “things will be taken away” and also that “you’re really not good enough.” So “you’re not good enough for him” and “you’re not good enough for anybody.” So those things affect our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. And they can sabotage a relationship.
Tania: Yeah I can imagine how that would impact their relationship if she feels not “good enough” she’s going to be acting that way isn’t she really, and you know maybe even pushing him away.
Maureen: Yeah and maybe questioning what’s happening? “Do you really love me?” And being suspicious and looking for signs that it’s going to end and going into that paranoid kind of phase. And so you know, today just one little session shifted them both.
Tania: Yeah I’ve seen people, I’ve heard of people with that kind of thing, and they don’t realize it’s coming from their past experiences. They just know they are feeling these things and you know when someone who knows about these kind of things works on it, it brings clarity to the situation and also we can now clear it.
Maureen: Yeah and to be fair in our society we’re not taught about these type of things we’re not taught about emotions. I was doing a talk recently to two hundred and twenty young men between the age of 15 and 17 about emotions, and they were fabulously interested and listened. Normally, that age group, don’t! Because one, often, males have a real resistance to it. But and then young people have a very limited attention span, but they were all fascinated, which is brilliant. Fascinated because emotions drive everything every single minute of our life is driven by our emotions.
Tania: Yeah and you just need those emotions to be the emotions that are driving the behavior that you want really want to have?
Maureen: Exactly! Yeah, if you’ve got the wrong set you get the wrong results and if you’ve got the right set of emotions, the right emotional structure you’re more likely to get what is wonderful in life.
Tania: Yeah, again, a lot of that you talk about, someone thinking “I’m not good enough” or “bad things happen to me” that’s a learned behavior isn’t it really?
Maureen: Yeah and I suffer that myself. So getting back to my childhood you know and I have worked on myself, and I love working on myself. So any opportunity I can I pounce on it, but I have the same, “who do you think you are?” used to haunt me. You know from things that happened in my little childhood when I was small and adults (saying) “Who do you think you are?” And it’s like yes, and also being called Maureen. My mom was also called Maureen. So I was called “Little Maureen.” So little Maureen having the impact of the insignificant one
Tania: Right, because it’s about your perception of that as a child and you know it’s your perception of it that counts, not reality. You know the message maybe they were trying to put across is that you are the little one here, in a nice kind of cute way.
Tania: But you perceived that in a different way that is disempowering to yourself that is what you are going to carry forward.
Maureen: And the tiny little thing and yes at first it’s cute, and it’s lovely, and that’s who I am so there is no emotion attached to it. But then, “be quiet because big Maureen is talking.” So that’s where you start to develop the hierarchy of significance. So you know I mustn’t speak because I’m not an important as the adult. So you know it can be very, very subtle you don’t even have to have horrible things happen to you in life to develop these really challenging limiting beliefs.
Tania: Which of course can impact you quite big when you’re looking for love isn’t it really?
Maureen: Oh huge. You need to be able to say, “I am a catch” and be able to look in the mirror. Maybe not think that is perfect but think, “you know what, that’s perfect for me, I’m happy with what comes back at me in the mirror.” And there are lots of people that don’t have a comfortable way of doing that. And there are a lot of people that cannot even say, “I love me,” so working with the EFT process as you know the phrase, “even though I have whatever problem, I love and approve of me,” so many people are so uncomfortable saying “I love me.”
Tania: And love or lack of feeling loved can be the root of so many issues.
Maureen: Oh yeah, you know me very well; I come out with all sorts of creative ways to try and explain to different people in different ways. It’s like having a pair of shoes that you really, value that you love verses a pair of shoes that you don’t. Which of the two are you going to look after the most?
Tania: Well, the ones you love.
Maureen: Yeah the ones you don’t love, you don’t mind what gets spilled on them what they bang or whatever. So it’s really useful to be able to decide you know I’m a wonderful pair of fabulous shoes. I’m going to look after me and admire me for the beauty that is the real me, the beauty that is, who I am, full of peace and joy and happiness. And if I can love me, I’m often able to love people in a better way because often there are a lot of people I work with who really cannot love themselves and they cannot love others.
Tania: I think if you love yourself truly you almost act like a magnetic because it is very nice, beautiful to be around someone who’s got that going on. Don’t you think?
Maureen: Absolutely but so many people, again we’re not taught these things. So many people have the wrong belief systems around. If I love me, that means I’m arrogant. If I love me, it means I’m vain and for me, I was brought up a Catholic. So vanity was linked to sin if I love me it means I’m vain, it means I’m a sinner, it means I’m going to go to hell. So you can see the real resistance that can be building up but pure, beautiful love is not saying we’re perfect, not saying that we’re better than anybody else, it’s purely about I LOVE ME, and that is magical.
Tania: Alright, so how can people who recognize themselves as having these blocks, how can they eliminate them? What would you do with them? What kind of tips would you give them Maureen?
Maureen: I would say the best thing to do is to go to a recommended therapist that can work directly on those emotions. I would say to get working with EFT, (Mindfulness Based) Inner RePatterning dependent on the person. I do kind of favor (Mindfulness Based) Inner RePatterning because it can be very, very useful; knocking out a lot of issues all at once. So I would go to somebody qualified, somebody really well recommended and let them do it because so much can change so quickly. And it just feels so releasing, and it’s wonderful to see. Recently, I have had an awful lot of gentlemen clients that have come to me. Some of them, they come to my workshops because as you know I do a lot of relationship and singles workshops and some of the transformations have been unbelievable. One gentleman recently who’d not been dating for 14 years and is really scared!
Understandably, and he is now feeling so much better about himself. He can look in the mirror and say, “you know what, you’re not bad, you.” He feels great about himself. He’s now planning on going internet dating. And that is brilliant because he’s a catch. He is a wonderful catch for another wonderful catch. You know it’s wonderful. And it was so quick so he only had two sessions with me and he is now in a fabulous place. He feels great about himself, he feels confident, he feels attractive, he feels that it’s going to be a fun adventure getting out there flirting and creating chemistry with a lady and that happened in only a matter of a few hours (of coaching).
Tania: Just being the point there Maureen. There are more than that the point you’re making here is you know people say how these made maybe lifelong issues and they sometimes make the assumption that it takes a long time to clear them out. You know that is so far from the truth because you know you use techniques that are very powerful and they work in alignment with the mind body system, and they can often get quite fast results, isn’t it?
Maureen: Yeah and again dependent on what we’ve learned in childhood. I learned in childhood that people don’t change. “You are who you are, and that is it!” Which to me was devastating because I was developing into being a child that was shy and didn’t talk much. I found it very uncomfortable talking to adults and I was very clumsy. So I was doomed at the age of 12. I didn’t like it, oh my gosh! But that was it. People don’t change. A leopard doesn’t change its spots, and that was the belief system. What a load of rubbish but bless they didn’t know any different either otherwise they could have created their future.
Tania: Yeah! That is it really; things are changeable. So you identify the bits that you have that are not working for you, target them with either EFT or (Mindfulness Based) Inner RePatterning, and they can clear. You know that’s what you’re doing in your sessions often, very powerfully
Maureen: Yeah and it is a beautiful thing today. I recently started teaching my NLP diploma, on day one. And looking at, just simply, “what is it that you’ve got that you don’t want? What is it that you like instead?” Well, I can’t explain to you the beautiful magic that occurred. We had tears because people were coming to the understanding that change was possible. So I can actually change. It connected with them in a way that they knew change is possible. So just the idea, that they are going to be able to design their future and take away what’s uncomfortable. Was just so beautiful and literally, everybody was crying, which has never happened to me before, apart from me, I didn’t, everybody was crying, and it was beautiful because it was like giving them some magic.
Tania: I suppose that moment of realization that you can control your own destiny.
Maureen: Yeah. And that the suffering that they’ve had for many, many years doesn’t have to continue and that is wonderful.
Tania: So pulling us right back to love, Maureen. You know if someone does not have the opportunity to go to a therapist. What is maybe one tip you would give them right now to begin to maybe change things?
Maureen: Imagine you have a magic wand, “how would you like your future to look like? Do you love yourself?” Use the magic wand. What would happen if you were to love yourself? What would actually happen? Who would object? Step one, get to love yourself? And start designing the future as if you have got a magic wand. You might have some voices that say, “Oh yes, but that’s not for you, you’ve never done that before.” Those are just haunts. What is it that you would like? Focus on it. And you could even go and look at, you know you’ve got a load of videos on YouTube, I’ve got some videos on YouTube use that learning and do it yourself.
Tania: Yeah I mean there’s a lot of stuff out there on EFT and people can listen to or watch and like you are saying there, do you love yourself? If you got an internal voice saying something opposite to that, you know giving you negative self-talk that’s something you can use the EFT on very simply.
Maureen: And beautifully you don’t have to get complex. So you can identify that “well I don’t love me” and you can tap on that, “I don’t love me,” “I don’t love me” and allow those thoughts to come to the surface and to be dissolved. And very quickly, if you decide to actually take action your results will come faster than you can ever believe.
Tania: Alright, so thank you for sharing that with this Maureen. So if someone wanted to connect with you directly how can they do that?
Tania: Alright, spell Fearon for them as well?
Maureen: Oh Yes! Fearon is an anagram of no fear. So it’s F for Freddy, EARON; Fearon.
Tania: So if you’re looking for Maureen Fearon either go to our co.uk site or put in the love guru Maureen Fearon. (Yes!) She will find her own there. Thank you very much for being our guest today, Maureen.
Maureen: You’re so welcome.
Tania: I hope people got some tips and ideas on how to clear and eliminate their blocks to love
Maureen: And love yourself and love life that’s the message
Tania: And thank you very much.
Maureen: You’re welcome.
Tania: Bye, bye
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This interview is from the EFT Unleashed Podcast. To find out more about EFT or this or past shows. Want to listen to the audio? Here is the direct link to the Eliminating the Blocks to Love Show Page Visit our website: www.EFTunleashed.com. Thank you for listening.